This is the story of how I learned how to embrace life...

Therefore, dearly beloved brethren, let us cheerfully do all things that lie in our power; and then may we stand still, with the utmost assurance, to see the salvation of God, and for his arm to be revealed. -Doctrine and Covenants 123:17

Well, I haven't posted in a while and can't just let this thing get dusty, so I thought I'd share something a little more upbeat than other things I've posted lately. Like that post from May. You know, the one a few down.

You know those times when life starts bombarding you with all these similar experiences, like it's trying to teach you something. Well, that's been happening to me as of late.

I suppose I could go into grand detail about the ups and downs of this, but fortunately for you I need to be in bed and asleep within the next 30 minutes. So this will be brief. Well, let's just say for the past couple days-ish I had been in a really bad mood. Probably due to a lot of factors. And I was getting migraines every day and I could just tell it wasn't a medical thing, it was from stress and just having a bad attitude in general.

Anyway. It just made me do a lot of reflecting about myself about who I became on my mission, who I am now and who I want to be. And I realized that I'd been hanging on to my mission so badly and not wanting to move on because I loved the person I was becoming on my mission and due to me giving up some of my habits (like not reading the scriptures everyday) I was drifting away from that. So I made a goal to start reading my scriptures every morning before I go to work and it has started to make so much of a difference in my life! So that was the first thing.

And then I go to church on Sunday and we get into Sunday school and I'm expecting the typical lesson from the New Testament, but then we randomly have a lesson about heroes and having a good attitude. And the lesson just hit me so hard and in the middle of the lesson my favorite scripture came to mind, Doctrine and Covenants 123:17 and it just meant so much to me in that moment that I just wanted to hold my scriptures up to my chest and keep them close to my heart so I'd never forget that feeling of just wanting to embrace life.

Later that day I called Danny and found out that his grandma had passed away that morning. It was a huge shock, it definitely wasn't something I saw coming. But it made me think even more about the value of life and what's really important to me. It made me think about how important time is. And how if we want to feel loved and happy in this life we need to make sure those around us feel loved and happy.

And then as I'm writing this my old friend, Alex, randomly starts chatting with me on Facebook about how the gospel is true and how with it we can get through anything. I love it!

Anyway, I realized this has turned into a rant, which was not really what I intended. But my point is, being alive and feeling alive and not being selfish and having a good attitude are really important. And... the end. :)

Good things really do come to those who wait.

After 3,000ish miles, 4 years, 2 missions, probably close to 1,000 fights and an infinite number of indian jokes I am officially dating Danny Nelson. Totally worth it.

Small and simple things.

Need this.
Love this.

Unpacking.

"[A missionary] boxes up all those plans, wishes, wants, and desires and puts them on a shelf in his closet at home with all of his clothes and other things. When he returns he will unpack all of the boxes. He will find that some of the clothes he doesn't want anymore, and he will give them away. When he unpacks the box of his wants, wishes, dreams and desires he may find that there are also some of those he doesn't want anymore either." -Lawrence E. Corbridge.

It's been a week. Almost to the minute it's been a week since I sat on an airplane in Houston as it started rolling forward and I left my old life behind.

I've started the unpacking process, and yes it is a process. Not just something that can be done in a day, as I had previously thought. And as it turns out it's not that I don't want some of my things, it's that I don't want any of it. I'm thinking of having a yard sale and just getting rid of it all. I want a fresh start.

It's not just the material posessions that hold no apeal to me. It's the plans, wishes, wants and desires. I remember so carefully packing those things away before my mission, wrapping them up so they wouldn't be harmed. Carefully storing them away in the corner of my mind, hoping that I could just pick up where I started when I returned. But I can't. The plans, wishes, wants and desires are still there, perfectly preserved as I had wanted, but I've just sat staring at them for a week, unsure what to do with them. Maybe I'll sell them too.

And on top of that I can't shake the feeling that there is no room for Ashley in this life that's been waiting for me. I feel completely out of place.

There's no MTC for returned missionaries! There's no instruction manual for this! There should be.

So this is the beginning of the creation of my new life. Stay tuned.

Baby girl, I'm a blur.

No matter where I go you're on my mind
I'll always stumble home and pray I'll find you
With your flamethrower eyes and jilted eyes